


Retribution

by Chicki



Category: The L Word (TV 2004)
Genre: F/F, circa 2008
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 10:15:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 20,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23469778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chicki/pseuds/Chicki
Summary: Sometimes when you cheat, retribution is the only resolution...
Relationships: Tina Kennard/Bette Porter
Comments: 16
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

It had been a few months since Tina and I had started taking serious steps toward reconciling. We had gone on several “dates” and shared a number of discussions about our previous relationship and where we felt things started to fracture. We were now in therapy, and though I wasn’t a big fan of sharing my innermost feelings with a stranger, for the most part, I liked Carol. I found her to be fair, open minded, and able to stimulate some raw discussions. As I waited for the elevator to return to the first floor of this enormous building, my cell phone started ringing.

“Hello.”

“Bette, are you almost here?” Tina found herself once again waiting for Bette. Arriving at least 5 minutes later for these appointments had started to become a trend that she wasn’t extremely pleased with.

“Yes. I’m just getting into the elevator. I’m sorry Tee, the traffic was terrible.”

“Okay. Well, see you in a few.”

“Bye.” I flipped the phone shut and closed my eyes. “Fuck.” I was upset with myself for not arriving on time today, a day that I swore I was going to do my best to be there before Tina.

When the door opened, I rushed to Carol’s office, where the receptionist Roxanne just glanced over to the door, authorizing me to go right in. I was sure she was pretty fed up with my tardiness, even though it didn’t affect her in the least. 

“I’m sorry I’m late.” I took a seat next to Tina and offered her a smile, which garnered a slight one in return. 

“Traffic again?” Carol asked.

I looked from Tina to Carol. “Yes, I’m sorry.” I reached for Tina’s hand and squeezed it, hoping she would appreciate my sentiment.

“Okay ladies. The last time you were here, two weeks ago, we were talking about Tina’s inability to feel like she could put the affair completely behind her. Have you both discussed this together?”

Tina glanced at Bette for a brief moment before she spoke. “We have had a few discussions about it. I guess it’s really just something I need to figure out for myself. I’m not sure Bette can honestly do anything which will make me feel redeemed.”

Carol rotated the pencil between her fingers before making a few notes. “Tina, what do you mean by make you feel redeemed? Isn’t Bette the one to redeem herself with you?”

Tina wasn’t sure she could explain it, but there had been an underlying desire which was developing for a while - the need for Bette to experience what she did, so she could fully understand what it felt like to know her lover and partner was pleased by another woman. She hesitated a moment before she spoke. “I suppose I’ve had a hard time believing or accepting that Bette could possibly understand what I went through. How I felt knowing another woman touched her…was with her.”

“No, Bette couldn’t know what it felt like. Unless she was in a position like you were, she wouldn’t know what that felt like.” 

I felt Carol’s eyes on me, waiting for me to bring something forward. “I haven’t actually experienced someone cheating on me. I guess I try hard to understand what Tina felt, but as you said, unless I went through it myself I can’t feel the depth of what she feels.”

Carol studied both women carefully, and glanced through a few of her notes. “We’ll get back to this. Otherwise, how are things between you?”

“Great,” Tina replied.

“Good,” I offered at the same time. The disparity caused Carol to look at both of us, followed quickly by Tina’s eyes on me. I felt the need to polish my response. “I think they will become great…in time. I’m feeling somewhat…well some distance, intimately.”

Tina remained quiet. She was aware of Bette’s disappointment that they hadn’t been intimate since they decided to get back together four months earlier.

“I see.” Carol steered her attention towards Tina. “Are you still feeling that having sex with Bette is like offering complete forgiveness?”

Tina nodded in agreement. 

“…and you are not prepared to offer that right now?”

“I don’t know what it is but I feel that at the moment Bette and I have sex, she will feel that the whole thing is history. I realize that this should stay in the past, and the more we discuss it, the more fresh it remains. I …I just can’t help but feel like I need retribution in some way. That the only way I can really bury it, is to make her feel even a small amount of what I did.”

“To even things off you mean.” Carol made a few notes as she waited for Tina’s response.

“I guess…in a way I do.”

I was grateful that I had finished my coffee on the way, because had I been drinking it when I heard this, I would have choked. “You’re not serious.” I couldn’t help but interrupt, which prompted a swift admonishment from the therapist.

“Bette, Tina needs to feel comfortable sharing what she is feeling. We aren’t here to judge those feelings, one way or another.” Carol returned her attention back to the blonde. “What do you mean by retribution? To have an affair?”

I didn’t want to make eye contact with Tina, so I kept looking straight ahead at the paper clip dispenser on Carol’s desk as I awaited her response.

“I know it sounds horrible. It’s a thought that has been plaguing my mind for awhile now.”

“To have an affair?”

“It’s against so much of what I believe in, to have these thoughts. But, it’s not even so much my having some secretive affair…but to put Bette in a position where she goes through the torment that I did – knowing she was intimate with someone else.”

I was stunned by the revelation, enough that I couldn’t refrain from speaking my mind. “Tina, don’t you think that fucking Henry was enough retribution? As a lesbian woman, that humiliated me.”

Tina folded her arms just before she rolled her eyes. “That is not the same Bette. We were not together anymore. You may have been hurt by my opting to go with a man, but that did not happen while we were in a relationship.”

What could I say? As upset as I was about Henry, my bruised ego, and the inadequacies I had experienced, she was right. I decided to abstain from arguing that point any further. However, I was still rocked by the fact that she wanted to see me suffer. During our breakup, things had gotten pretty messy, which revealed a side of her I hadn’t known before. A spiteful and hurtful side which I felt caused enough pain. 

Carol placed her pencil down on the desk. “Tina, how do you feel you would accomplish that?”

“Retribution?” Tina asked.

“Yes, how do you feel that you can gain a sense of retribution?”

Tina was embarrassed as she spoke. “I’ve had a million ideas…but keep coming back to one.” She surprised her own self with the thoughts that had been filling her mind over the past several months. She hadn’t shared them at all with Bette, because she wanted a professional opinion first. She could feel Bette’s eyes on her, waiting for the disclosure.

Carol carefully coaxed Tina to continue. “And that one would be?”

“To have sex with a woman while Bette is forced to watch, not being allowed to do a thing about it.”

I felt my head turn towards Tina. I wasn’t sure that I was even in control of my reaction. “My god, you want me to watch? To watch you fuck someone?”


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Tina felt slightly embarrassed by Bette’s words. “You make it sound so …”

“Ludicrous? Good, because it is ludicrous.”

“No it isn’t. Unless you have been cheated on, you can’t imagine what I feel. You can’t imagine the fear I have, thinking about when it comes time to please you and wondering the whole time if you are thinking about her or me.”

“That would be obvious, I would be-” 

“No, it isn’t obvious Bette. When you are pleasing me, do you not think I won’t wonder if those were the same things you did to her, or the other way around?”

I decided to remain silent and let her continue.

“If you watched me with another woman, you would not be in control of the situation for one thing, and that is the same feeling I felt when I learned you were with someone. It was out of my control, and though control was never something I needed all the time, it sure as hell made me feel pretty shitty when I felt that lack of it thrown in my face.”

“It’s crazy. It’s practically immoral.”

“Immoral? How is it immoral? It wouldn’t be happening behind your back, because you would be there? It wouldn’t be carried on as an affair, because you obviously would know about it, and be participating by watching.”

“Participating? By watching you fuck someone? I felt my face begin to warm as my palms started to sweat. “Do you have any idea how I felt when I learned you had the insemination? I lost something when you did that, which I can never reclaim. If you want to keep score Tina, I think you need to think about that.”

Tina took a deep breath. “I won’t try to minimize your feelings about that Bette. I understand it was something that hurt you. I realize it is also something which we can’t go back and fix. I don’t want to sound callous, as if I am defending what I did, but you have to also consider the fact that we were not together anymore when that happened. You and I were just overcoming the loss of our first child. There are some differences. I’m sorry if I feel this need to do something outside of what you might expect from me.”

A silence developed. This was the first time since Tina and I had decided to get back together, that we had such a tense discussion. We both waited for Carol to offer her professional opinion.

“Well…this is certainly something different. As a couples therapist, I wouldn’t promote something which would increase tension in a relationship. However, at the same time, this is unique, for it closely parallels the concept of a threesome. The problem arises when you consider the intent. If your intent is to be hurtful Tina, I’m not convinced that it will help you and Bette as a couple.”

“Thank you.” I couldn’t help but confirm my gratitude openly. I soon realized I should have waited to do so.

“On the other hand,” Carol continued as she looked towards Tina, “After all these months, it seems as though you are finding it hard to completely let go without some form of redemption. If that inability to feel redeemed in some sense, and force Bette to feel something close to what you felt isn’t satisfied, I’m concerned that you will continue to foster some inadequacy and the relationship will crumble apart anyway. As much as Bette wants to understand what you went through, and may well have a good idea, you won’t ever accept it with the value it should have unless she experiences something close to it.”

“I don’t want to intentionally hurt Bette, as much as I just want her to grasp those feelings which I felt. I’m sorry to feel this. I don’t want to feel it, I really don’t. I have tried so hard to believe that Bette can relate to what I felt. I know that in the absence of having an affair on her, that she couldn’t understand what that betrayal felt like. I’m not even shooting for her to comprehend that, as much as I want her to understand the jealousy, the fury in knowing that another woman can provide that pleasure to your lover besides you. It takes you down a few notches.”

There was a small part of me that understood what Tina was saying. I just couldn’t see how we could begin this fresh relationship following what I viewed to be a malicious and damaging act. “I can’t honestly say I am comfortable with this.”

“Were you comfortable cheating on your wife?” Carol shot back quickly.

“That wasn’t fair.”

“Hey, I’m not here to pick sides. I’m here to weigh what you say and offer some things back to you both. The choices you make when you leave, you live with, not I. I think engaging in something that is outside your comfort zone Bette, is something you can’t accept on most occasions. However, you have to understand that for Tina, you carried on something for a little while. No matter how much she wants to believe that you understand it all, it can’t happen without feeling something similar. That’s a given about most things. You can imagine what it would feel like, but you can’t possibly know without going through it yourself. It’s like a friend that loses a mother. You can try to understand the loss, but if your own mother is still alive, you cannot fully comprehend those feelings.” Carol hesitated as she looked at both women. “I’m not saying that it is the right or wrong thing to do. I think you should both talk about it.”

“You want me to consider being present while my wife engages in some sexual act?”

“I never said I want you to do a thing. Tina said that was what she felt she needed, to feel that you understand what she endured while you had an affair. Sometimes we have to do some things that aren’t so comfortable Bette, in order to reap the benefits later. This is hard work. If I thought it was something that would only have a negative effect, I would tell you that. I’m really on the fence on this one because I could see it going both ways.”

“What do you mean?” Tina asked.

“Well, it’s like Russian roulette. I mean, it will either allow Bette to comprehend a lot of what you felt. It also could be at a risk that she has a hard time getting beyond that experience of watching another woman please you. There is no guarantee what the outcome will be.” Carol turned to the brunette. “For you Bette, I see it making you completely uncomfortable. For one thing, you would be watching. You wouldn’t be in control of a thing. You would be forced to watch another woman pleasure Tina. If Tina gets her rocks off, I doubt that the alpha personality is going to cope very well with that. It may leave you questioning a lot about yourself.”

“Well, there you go. I think that the fine doctor has been able to point out this is by far a wrong direction to proceed.”

“Wait Bette…I’m not done.”

I slumped in my chair. I hoped she was completely done. I wasn’t sure I could take anymore discussion about this crazy idea of Tina’s.

Carol continued, “Without Tina feeling a form of retribution, I think you are both at a standstill. She wants that clean slate with you. She wants to be able to move forward and give herself to you again, feeling like you have a respect that she chose to be with you, that you and her are equals. I think you have both made a lot of progress. I see Tina as a more independent woman who knows what she wants. I wouldn’t completely disregard looking into this idea further.”

“It’s so childish, keeping score of who hurt who, and how to equal the pain.” I couldn’t help but offer those final thoughts.

Tina decided to add to the discussion. “I honestly wish you wouldn’t quickly dismiss this. I was hoping you would somehow put your own feelings aside for a moment to just think about how this would heal what I have felt, and continue to feel.” Tina’s voice was soft, almost weathering the tension. “It has nothing to do with love. It has nothing to do with wanting or desiring another woman. I agree it isn’t the most kind thing to feel - the need for retribution. But it isn’t just that Bette, it’s about validation. I know you want to understand what I felt then, and the remnants of what I feel all this time later. It isn’t even so much about you, as it is about my own need to put this whole fucking mess away. I can’t seem to let it go and bury it in the past where it needs to stay, without it. Call me pathetic, call me irrational, call me whatever you want, but I can’t help what I feel.”

I looked at Carol who offered an expression which clearly suggested I consider Tina’s argument. Before Tina or I said another word, Carol had looked at her watch and ended the painful discussion. “Okay ladies, we have to stop for today. See you in two weeks?”

I stood up and threw my purse over my shoulder. “Sure, I’ll be looking forward to it.” I was the first one to find myself standing in front of the elevator. I felt Tina’s presence behind me. We both stepped inside, and proceeded from the tenth floor to the first, with no discussion. Once outside, she was the first to speak.

“I’m not trying to be difficult.” Tina waited for a response. “I also don’t want to destroy you, or hurt you deeply. I can’t seem to feel that you understand the amount of pain I felt. No matter how I try, I can’t seem to help you see how insecure and inadequate I feel, knowing that you cheated on me with another woman. It’s the only thing that I can come up with Bette, that allows me to feel that you might just understand it.”

“I’m not sure I can understand it.”

“Do you remember how you felt when you met Henry? When you saw us going out as a family with Angelica?”

I nodded my head, trying to remain stoic as she spoke. 

“Take that feeling, and multiply that by ten. That is just a small part of what I felt, that moment I saw you with Candace that night at the CAC.”

“You’re asking an awful lot of me Tina.”

“I think in the long run, it will help me. It may sound really stupid, and it may be true that I am taking a risk. Look, we have both been with other people, and we have found our way back to one another. The love we have isn’t going to be jeopardized by this. We have both been with different partners since we broke up anyway. The only difference is this time you have to watch.”

“Are you just saying this because you want to have a threesome?”

“No…I have no desire to have a threesome.”

“There has to be some craving you have, other than retribution.”

“Bette…there isn’t. If I wanted to have a threesome, I would just tell you that I would like that. It isn’t about getting my rocks off in a sexual way. It’s about punishment.” Tina looked down at her watch. “I have to go, I’m meeting with one of the set director’s in 15 minutes. Will you call me later?”

“I’ll call you when I leave work.”

“I love you,” Tina said before leaning forward and kissing me on the cheek. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“I love you too.” I watched as she walked toward her car. I tried hard to understand her mindset. I hurt her, there was no questioning that. Apologies, and pain which I experienced while we were apart, and trying to win her over again, couldn’t compare to what she had felt. I was finding that you could sooth the pain, help heal the wounds, but the scars…they could last for a long time afterwards…maybe forever. Could this act she wished to play out be a way to make that scar fade? Disappear? I turned towards my vehicle, while my mind replayed the conversations which occurred behind those closed doors.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

Tina had arrived back to her office minutes before her appointment. As she settled into her seat, she placed her hands through her hair and leaned back against the chair, thinking about the therapy session. The knock at her office door startled her. “Come in.”

“Hey Tina. I wasn’t sure I was going to get here on time. Had an issue at one of the antique stores.” 

“That’s okay Meg. I was running a little late myself. What happened at the store?”

“I’ve been working with a dealer to rent some of the vintage props we need for the film. It’s been going well, but I’ve hit a small glitch.”

“Anything I can help with?” 

“If it were that easy, I’d hand you his business card right now. It’s just one of those things that I have to stay on top of.”

“Where is the art department as a whole, in terms of getting the next five scenes together for filming?”

Meg looked through her notebook. “Let’s see…the Set Dresser is working on the drapery. She just received a shipment of the fabric she needed to match up, and I’m sure she is already working on that. The Prop Builders have been doing what they can. It’s coming together Tina. Where some things fall behind, the time is made up on the other end.”

“Are we considered ‘on schedule’ at this time?”

“I would say that we can plan on shooting the first couple of scenes next week.”

Tina took a deep breath. “Good, that’s a big relief. It’s nice to have some good news today.”

Meg looked over at Tina. They had been working together for a few weeks. They shared a couple of lunches and more than an occasional drink after work. Although Meg was only working in Los Angeles for the few months they were filming, she and Tina had become pretty good friends. “I take it you haven’t had a good day so far?”

Tina frowned. “I’ve had better.”

“Is Angelica okay?”

“Oh yes. Yes, she’s fine.”

Meg was aware that Bette was Angie’s other mother, and that she and Tina had recently gotten back together. Tina spoke of Bette when they had a few drinks after work, but Meg wasn’t sure if she should pry. She waited a few minutes, then felt the need to offer a few words. “Sometimes when you first start out…in a relationship…things can be a little awkward.”

“Uh…yeah. It’s complicated.”

“I bet it is.”

“Maybe when you and I hit Hannigan’s one day after work I’ll fill you in.”

“Sure. That would be great.”

“Are you around tomorrow night?”  
Meg smirked. “I would, but Shawna and I are suppose to do our thing tomorrow night. Well if all goes well.”

Tina was confused. “Your thing?”

“Yeah, I told you about it before didn’t I?”

“Um…well I guess if I knew what your thing was, I might remember.”

“We are meeting up with another couple.”

By the smirk on Meg’s face, and the tone she used, Tina had an idea what she meant. “You mean…like swingers?”

“Yeah. Shawna works with some guy, whose wife is bisexual. I guess they have some agreement or something, so it works out. Shawna is bi as well. I’ll hook up with the wife, and Shawna will hook up with Joe.”

Tina raised both her brows. “Wow. I would have remembered that one.”

Meg laughed. “I thought I had told you one night when we were out.”

“Nope.”

As a silence took over the room, Meg felt a little strange. “You don’t feel uncomfortable with me working with you now do you?”

“Gosh no. I’m pretty open minded.”

“Yeah?”

“I’d like to think so.”

Meg reached into her purse and retrieved a small card from her wallet. “This is our webpage. We belong to a group online. If you and Bette are ever interested, let me know.” Meg held her hand out for Tina to take the card.

Tina felt embarrassed. “Us? Thank you, but we wouldn’t be interested. We both feel pretty strong about safe sex, and all that jazz.”

“When we are with other couples, we make sure everyone uses dental dams or condoms.”

Tina thought it was surreal that she would be having such a crazy discussion, so close to her own off the wall idea she shared during therapy. She watched as Meg placed the card on her desk.

“Let me know Tina. Shawna is flying in first thing in the morning for this gig tomorrow. She plans on spending the weekend. We would be available.”

Meg started walking towards the doorway as Tina watched. “Oh, and Tina…thanks for the pass to the gym. I’m going to try to get my ass in the 6pm spinning class. Maybe I’ll see you there.”

Tina watched as Meg left her office. She tried to visualize if she could see herself intimately with Meg. She definitely was a very pretty woman. She had dark hair, caramel brown eyes, and a body that screamed fitness. She felt Bette would find it difficult to watch someone like Meg pleasing her. She picked up the business card and placed it in her blazer pocket. 

#

I had just finished writing out a short grocery list before I left the college. With the school break, and the kids off campus, I was finding it easier to get out of work on time. It was a trend I was beginning to like, but knew I couldn’t get too use to. When I approached the first set of lights, I flipped my phone open and dialed Tina.

“This is Tina, sorry I missed your call. Leave me your name and number, and I’ll get back to you.” ---- BEEP ----

“Hey Tee, it’s me. I was thinking we could get some take out and eat at my place tonight. Call me.”

When I pulled into the supermarket parking lot, it was unusually busy. The limited parking spaces proved too much for my patience, so I decided to take that task on another night. I pulled back onto the roadway and started towards home, my mind consumed with Tina’s request. I wasn’t a woman who excelled at compromise, but since the retreat, I had found myself more cooperative and moderate in many areas. I just didn’t know if this would be an area where I could accommodate the woman I loved with all my mind, body and soul.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

When Tina came into the spinning class, Meg had just finished tying the laces on her sneakers when she spotted her. “Hey Tina! Glad you could make it.”

Tina dropped her gym bag in the back of the room and started stretching next to Meg. “I figured I better get some exercise in so I could sleep better tonight.”

“Did you get my message?”

“No. When?”

“I called your cell about 15 minutes ago.”

“Shit, I wonder if I hit it too many times again. If I push the arrow too many times, it goes past vibrate and ends up on silent.”

“It wasn’t anything big. I talked to Shawna this afternoon. I told her there was a chance we could be hooking up with a few pretty fine looking L.A. lesbians.”

Tina laughed. “Right. I doubt that’s going to happen.”

“Really? Bette wouldn’t go for it?”

Tina smirked as she glanced over at Meg, whose stretches were highlighting definition in various places of her body. “What makes you think it’s Bette? It could be me you know.”

Meg offered Tina a seductive look. “I don’t know Tina. I think you have a wild side to you that could go crazy in bed.” Meg walked away from Tina and to the bike before Tina could refute the allegation.

#

The first thing I did following my shower, was pour myself a glass of wine and sit in the recliner. I rested my head back, trying hard to imagine the scenario that Tina had painted today, and the potential reaction if I had to watch Tina with another woman. I found the images shifting in extreme degrees from making myself feel numb just to get through it, to tearing the woman to shreds. I took a sip before dialing the only person in the world who I knew had some experience with threesomes.

“Shane here.”

“Shaney, it’s Bette.”

“Hey Bette. What’s going on?”

“Not too much. I wanted to talk to you about something. It’s kind of crazy, and I figured if there was anyone who could offer a little insight it would be you.”

“Oh…I’m not sure if I should be thanking you or not.” Shane laughed.

I couldn’t help but laugh. I didn’t give my wording too much thought. “I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. If I wanted crazy I would be calling Jenny.”

“Well, let me see what I can do before you go that extreme.”

“Right. Um…wow, where to start. I had a therapy session with Tina today.”

“Oh good. How’s that going?”

“It’s been okay. Today was a little interesting.”

“In what way?”

It was strange asking Shane for advice. She was a few years younger than I, and I always felt the responsibility of being the go to person in our friendship. I’m not sure why I always felt the need to be the one with all the answers, but I did. This was new to me. 

“Bette…you there?”

“Yes. I’m sorry. This is just difficult.”

“Okay, well start at the beginning. What’s on your mind?”

“In therapy, Tina said something which has rocked me completely.”

“In a good way?”

“No. That’s the thing. She is feeling that she can’t get beyond the fact that I insulted and hurt her by having an affair. She said that the thought of my needing to go to another woman to find pleasure, made her feel helpless and without having any control over it at all.”

“Yeah, I can understand that.”

“Well, what she feels she needs is something I’m having a hard time with.”

“What does she need?”

“She wants to have sex with another woman, and wants me to watch it happen.”

Shane laughed. “Uhm…that’s a little more kinky than I ever thought Tina to be. Wow.”

“It’s not in the way that you think Shane. This isn’t about Tina having some fantasy. It isn’t about some mutual encounter. She wants to force me to watch her be with someone, and not participate, not be in control of anything.”

Shane started to understand the motive. “So this isn’t some orgy she wants.”

“No, not at all. It’s about making me feel the abandonment, lack of control, and the pain she felt.”

“Damn. I don’t see you just sitting there letting it happen.”

“Right. I’m thinking it has the potential of becoming a rather unhealthy situation, and nothing which Tina is anticipating.”

“Yeah, no shit…like what if you ended up thinking it was really hot? Wouldn’t that just be the shits huh?”

I didn’t even think of that being a reaction. “I doubt that. I don’t think I could let myself be aroused by something like that. My initial reaction would be to grab as much hair on the bitches head and pull her off of her.”

“Bette…this doesn’t sound like a really good thing for you and Tina to do. You’re both just starting to get back on track.”

“I know. But now that this request is out there, something needs to be done. Either I accept her challenge, and take the biggest risk of my life, or I disregard it, and I think I would also be taking a pretty big risk. I love her Shane. When you love someone that much, it’s amazing what you find you will do in the name of love. It drives me fucking crazy sometimes, because I hate letting anything have control over me…and the love I share with that woman…I can’t explain it, it runs deeper than anything I have ever known in my life.”

“Are you afraid you could lose her if you don’t give this a shot?”

“I don’t know. She never said that. I don’t think so, but I do think it could be a wall that we never really get through. I think our relationship may only go so far and not be able to get beyond that final resistance if this isn’t addressed.”

“Bette, I hope this doesn’t sound too hard, but can Tina not see how much pain you have felt too? I mean, yeah you weren’t cheated on, but you sure had your own heart ripped out in a different way since you both broke up.”

“I have. She knows I have too. I don’t think it really is about wanting to cause me pain. I mean, we used the word punishment, but I think it is more about her needing me to fully comprehend the feelings she felt when it came to my affair with Candace.”

“But if you are with her now, who gives a fuck? God, I’m glad that none of the women I have been with have done this.”

“Not yet. What I really wanted to know is, was there a time you were with your girlfriend and another woman was added? I know it’s personal, and if you don’t want to answer…it’s okay.”

“I’m not shy Bette. I have had more threesomes than I should admit to. But, I will say that for the most part I had a great time. The thing is though, everyone was in agreement and we were all involved. The interest to have a sexual experience like that was mutual.”

“I understand, but was there a time where you felt jealous?”

“When I was with Kerry, do you remember her?”

“Yeah, the redhead from the salon?”

“Yeah, her. We had had a threesome with a waitress from Jack’s Sports Bar.”

“No kidding?”

“Yep. Anyway, you know how crazy I was about her. I thought I wasn’t going to have a hard time with it, but I did. I don’t know, I guess my feelings were deeper than I first thought, and I didn’t realize it until I watched Terri do her.”

“Yeah, well I already know how uncomfortable I would be. That isn’t what I question. I question whether or not I have it in me to reach really deep and get through it. I question where there would be more damage in our relationship, doing it or not doing it.”

#

Tina came out of the shower and wrapped the towel around her body. She rummaged through her duffle bag when Meg had come out of the shower, failing to wrap a towel around herself. 

“Robyn was a little sadistic tonight wasn’t she?”

Tina looked up to find Meg stark naked in front of her. “Uh…what?”

“Robyn…the spin instructor. She was unusually brutal tonight.”

Tina looked down at her duffle bag. “Sure.”

Meg started putting deodorant on as she watched Tina. “So what’s been going on with you and Bette?”

“Not too much. Just trying to get into a groove.”

Tina turned around to dress. The most Meg was going to get was a bare back, for Tina moved the towel to around her waist.

Meg laughed. “Tina, if you were thinking of ever getting together for a ménage a trios, you would need to be less modest.”

“I’m not modest. I just don’t find the need to flash my assets.”

Meg slipped her jeans on, while Tina continued to get dressed revealing very little to her.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

When Tina got into the car, she looked at her cell phone. She had one missed call and one voicemail. As she listened to her voicemail, she watched Meg walk to her car. She was an incredibly beautiful woman with a body to kill for. As her mind started to wonder about the potential of following through with her as the third person, Bette’s voice on the other end pulled her back to reality. Once Meg pulled out of the lot, Tina dialed Bette.

“Hello.” I placed my glass on the coffee table.

“Hey Bette, I just got your message. I went to the gym to work out.”

“Did you have a good work out?”

“Yeah, it was good.” I always worried about her eating right. Since having Angelica, she lost so much weight and seemed unusually thin. “ Did you eat yet?

Tina pulled into traffic. “No, and I’m starving.”

“Do you feel like picking up some takeout and coming over?”

“Yeah, that would be good. What do you feel like having?”

“How about some Mexican?”

“Alright. Would you mind calling it in and I’ll pick it up?”

I walked into the kitchen to retrieve the menu with the phone number. “I can do that. Do you want your usual?”

“We haven’t had Mexican together in along time. You sure you remember?”

“I do if you haven’t changed what you have liked.”

“Hmm…nice.”

“What?”

“It’s nice to have that. To have someone just remember your favorite. I’m not sure anyone I have been with since we broke up ever knew things like that.”

I was silent for a moment, as there was definitely a lot of truth to that statement. “Well, why don’t we wait until you pick it up and take it here before I accept too many supportive comments like that.”

Tina laughed. “Okay. I’ll let you go so you can call it in. Just put it under Tina.”

“Alright. See you soon.” I hung the phone up and dialed Chi-Chi’s. “Hi, I’d like to place an order which will be picked up in about 15 minutes. I would like one honey chicken chipotle quesadilla, one pimientos rellenos, and one chili con carne. Yes that will be all. Please put it under the name Tina. Yes…thank you.”

I hung up the phone and returned to the living room. I rested the laptop on my legs and started to surf a few lesbian websites, searching for something, anything that I could find about threesomes. What I was able to find, is that it is a very personal experience and decision made by couples. I wasn’t able to find a thing on threesomes being used in the way which Tina was needing. Everything I read, was about couples who were both interested in experiencing something that would be different and add some spice, with the bottom line being mutual interest. 

I was surprised how fast time had flown by when I heard the knock at the front door, followed by Tina’s voice. “Bette, I’m here.”

I placed the laptop on the coffee table and met her in the kitchen. “Hi.”

Tina began removing the take out containers from the bag. “Hi babe.”

She looked just as fresh as she did when I seen her earlier. I slipped my hands around her waist and placed my nose to the back of her hair. I inhaled the scents of both her shampoo and perfume that infused the strands which my face pressed against. I felt my eyes close as my hands slid up her sides. It was almost criminal, to think we hadn’t had sex since we had resumed a relationship together four months ago. I felt her turn her body and face towards me. “Baby, I’m starving.”

I couldn’t help but smile as my hands found her waist. “I am too…”

Tina arched her brow. “I’m talking about food.”

I leaned in and kissed her lips. I wanted to feel so much of her again. I felt that if she would allow me the chance to show her that I could love her better than I had loved her before, that she would lose this desire she had for retribution. The kiss was short, for she pulled away and walked to the counter where she retrieved some silverware from the drawer. I sighed lightly at the quick disconnect.

“Do you want to use plates or just eat out of the container?” Tina asked.

“The container is fine. I have some wine I opened when I came home earlier. Would you like some?”

“Sure. Where do you want to eat? The kitchen or the living room?”

“The living room is okay with me. I’ll get you a wine glass.” I watched as Tina left the kitchen. Things were becoming more difficult in recent weeks, and after today’s revelation in therapy, I just couldn’t help but feel a sense of urgency set in for us to be intimate before we even considered moving forward with her request. I felt strong that if I could just make love to her, make her feel safe again, trust again, that I could soften her heart. I walked into the living room and found her sitting on the floor.

“Mmmm…you did remember.” Tina smiled at the container which held the chicken chipotle quesadilla.

“You honestly didn’t think I wouldn’t did you?”

Tina glanced over at me. “No, I suppose I didn’t.” 

We both made some small talk about our day as we dove into the food. “I heard from Peggy Peabody today.”

“No kidding? How is she?”

“She’s well. She’s on some excursion in Europe at the moment. She was looking for some contact info on a board member that served at the CAC about ten years ago.”

“Did you find it?”

“It took a little bit, but I did. She was happy.”

“That’s great. Do you want a bite of this?”

“No, this is far too much food here myself.”

“The more I work out, the more hungry I seem to get lately. I would kill to have Meg’s body.”

“Meg?”

“She’s here for a short time working on the film.”

I didn’t recall Tina mentioning someone by the name of Meg. To hear about this person for the first time, as a reference to her body hadn’t made me feel overly comfortable. “When did she start working on the film?”

“About two weeks ago.”

“Is she straight?”

Tina hesitated a moment. “Why does that matter?”

“Just curious.”

Tina placed some sour cream on the end of the quesadilla. “She’s a lesbian. Her partner is flying out so that they can hook up with another couple. A straight couple actually, well semi-straight.”

I felt myself flush with adrenalin at the unexpected truth. “They are swingers?”

“Yep.” Tina picked at the pieces of chicken. “I spoke with Meg about it just today as a matter of fact.”

I had a good feeling as to what she was talking about, but feared confirming it. I poked at my vegetables, trying hard to think of a way to ask. Finally I just decided to be forthright. “About your plan…that we discussed in therapy today?”

“Yes.” Tina hesitated a moment before looking from her food to Bette. “She would be perfect. It’s not like we would have go out looking for someone. It just fell into my lap. She brought it up first.”

I felt myself getting irritated. “That’s strange.” I offered a strained expression. “I mean, how many people just start discussing something like that out of the blue?”

“That’s what happened Bette. She was telling me her girlfriend was flying out, and that she had to get her at the airport because they were hooking up with a couple. The husband will be with her partner, and Meg will be with the wife. Meg’s partner is bisexual. I guess it works for them.”

“Jesus. That’s just…wow.”

“I suppose if everyone is into it, it can work.”

I had a hard time accepting any of it. I may have been old fashioned, but bringing a third person into my relationship was never an option. Sure, some might say that having an affair with Candace while I was in a relationship with Tina was doing just that, but it was different. It couldn’t be explained easily, but to me the two were separate.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope those that are reading don't get too close to the edge of your seats... ;)

CHAPTER 6

As we shared dinner together, the conversation had steered towards work. Unfortunately when it came to Tina’s work, Meg was once again brought up, and the discussion was driven back to Tina’s original request.

“I don’t understand why you have this need Tina.” I stood up from the sofa and took both our empty take out containers. “I think if you would let go of this incredibly foolish attempt at punishing me further, and just let me take you to bed and make love to you, your fears will dissolve.”

Tina stared at me without saying a word. I turned and went to the kitchen where I discarded the containers. When I returned to the living room, she was just pouring herself another glass of wine. “Would you like some more?”

“I’m all set.” I sat on the floor aside of her. “Can we just try?”

Tina was settling on her fourth glass of wine. Her inhibitions were less than they were when she first arrived no doubt. I slid my hand along the side of her face, then snaked my fingers through her long blonde hair, encouraging her forward as I leaned in towards her. As our lips touched, it was only briefly that I tasted the residue of wine, for our kiss turned passionate and wild. We both wanted one another and needed one another for a long time. I was adamant that if she would allow us to be together intimately, and make love, she would relieve the doubts and fears that remained inside of her for so long. 

When our tongues began dancing to that familiar rhythm, I lowered her to the floor. My hands searched her hair as my mouth made its way from her lips, down her jaw line to her neck. The taste of her skin drove me crazy. The scent of her perfume as my nose passed the back of her ear sent me into overdrive. I felt my center tighten at the same time my nipples hardened. 

“I…I can’t,” Tina whispered. 

I heard the words, but they weren’t convincing. She was close to that place where she would surrender herself to her need for pleasure and to feel again. My hand started to unbutton her shirt as my mouth kissed a path right behind the unsecured path my hand was preparing for me.

“No...” she whispered.

“Please,” I spoke into the skin of her chest. “Let it just be.”

Tina started to raise her upper body. “I can’t,” she said as she clutched her blouse to close it.

I pulled myself away from her and pushed my hair from my face. “Why? Tina, we have been back together for months now. What’s the problem?”

Tina started to button her blouse. “I’m not going to just let this happen. I can’t help how I feel. I can’t help that I feel you aren’t as remorseful as you should be. It’s not your fault. You never had to feel the pain of being in a relationship with me, while I went outside of it. You can add up all the so called rotten things I may have done after we split, but the difference is, we had split.”

I watched as she stood. 

“I need to go.”

“Tina, you’ve had a few too many glasses of wine.”

“I can drive Bette.”

I stood from the floor. “I would rather you stay.”

Tina offered a sarcastic sigh. 

“I don’t mean in that way. You have made it pretty clear you and I are not going to be together, anymore than how we are now without my agreeing to go through a humiliating and painful experience.”

Tina raised a brow. “You don’t get it.”

“I guess I don’t. I guess I never will. As much as I have tried to understand this and make some sense of it, I just don’t.”

Tina reached for the keys in her purse. “I guess it isn’t important to you.”

When she pulled her hand from her purse, I grabbed her wrist and retrieved her keys. “Hey! What the fuck are you doing?”

“You aren’t going anywhere tonight. I’m not letting you drive.”

“Like hell. Give them to me.” Tina started to aggressively seek her keys.

“Tina, NO! If you want me to call Alice or Shane to give you a ride home then fine. If you want a taxi called, I’ll do that. I’m not letting you drive, period. I have offered you a place to stay here tonight. I understand your wishes, and nothing is going to happen.”

Tina stopped her attempts to take possession of her keys. “You always need to be the boss,” she shot back as she slumped to the sofa defeated. “When are you ever going to let me call the shots?”

I stood in front of the sofa watching as she spewed words from her mouth. The more she spoke, the more I started to wonder if that was what most of this was about, her wanting to get back together on her terms. Perhaps she truly had walked in my shadow in the past. However, she was a successful businesswoman now. She had become highly independent and confident. There was no need to keep score of things like this…was there? I sat on the sofa beside her, and guided her head to my lap. I reached for the throw that lay on the back of the sofa, and covered her. While she continued to whisper words which were unidentifiable, I stroked her hair, giving a lot of consideration to what she was requiring of me.

#

The next morning, I woke to the smell of bacon coming from the kitchen. I sat up on the sofa and pushed the blanket to the side. I had let Tina sleep in my bed the night before, and even though I was fairly sure she wouldn’t have minded my joining her, I chose not to do so where there was some alcohol involved and questions could surface in her mind as to whether we were intimate or not. 

When I reached the kitchen, it was a nice image which greeted me. Tina cooking breakfast was always something that provided warmth. It was such a small thing, but for me preparing a meal for the person you love was always symbolic of the affection and feelings you have for them. I completely understood the concept of how cooking and love blended together as one. When Tina had turned towards the fridge, her eye caught me.

“Hey, I didn’t hear you get up.”

“I’ve only been up a few minutes.”

Tina looked a little uncomfortable as she looked from me to the kitchen table. “I…I just thought I would make us breakfast…to thank you.”

“Thank me?” I walked towards the table and reached for a slice of wheat toast. I took a bite. “What are you thanking me for?”

“You didn’t have to sleep on the sofa.”

“No…I didn’t. However, you had a few glasses of wine in you. I didn’t want you to have any questions as to whether we had sex or not. I suppose my being in the living room when you got up this morning was no guarantee whether we did or didn’t, but I felt it was the proper thing to do.”

“Thank you,” Tina said softly.

I took a seat at the table, and watched as Tina retrieved the orange juice from the fridge. “Um…I was thinking last night…when I was alone on the sofa.”

Tina poured a glass of juice for each of us, then took a seat across from me. “What about?”

“About what it is you have been asking for.”

The fork that Tina had just picked up remained still on the scrambled eggs. She didn’t move, nor did she say a word.

“I…I’m so thoroughly confused by it all Tee. I won’t lie to you and say that I understand it, or that I even condone it.” I watched as Tina looked down at her plate, likely preparing for another one of my lectures about how wrong the request is. “However, there are things that sometimes do happen in relationships which sometimes both parties don’t agree about. Usually there is a middle ground that can be reached. I’m not sure what that middle ground is here. I’m not convinced there even is one that can be reached.”

Tina looked towards me, waiting for what else I had to say. She knew me well…well enough to know I wasn’t through, even though I had hesitated.

“I’ll do it.” The words finally came out. I said what I had to say. I wasn’t going into this with a full embrace, and I wasn’t understanding any of it, but I would do what it was that she was requesting.

Tina’s expression showed how surprised she was. “You will?”

“Yes.”

We both waited for the other to speak. It seemed like a long time passed before either of us could muster up something to say next.

“Are you sure?” Tina asked.

“Don’t ask me that.”

I felt my jaw start to tighten as the realization of what I just agreed to began setting in.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Such a mundane and boring storyline... ;0)

CHAPTER 7

Tina was rushing to her office when Meg came around the corner, nearly colliding into the frantic blonde. 

“Tina, slow down,” Meg shouted after her. Meg turned towards Tina’s office. “You okay?”

“Yes, I’m sorry. I’m late for a meeting with Peter.”

“Peter…Director Peter?”

“Yes. You know how nuts he gets when he has to wait for everyone to get on the set.”

“He isn’t here yet.”

“What?” Tina stopped in her tracks as she was making her way towards the doorway. 

She was only two feet from Meg, who hadn’t moved from the entrance to Tina’s office. Meg’s eyes scanned Tina from head to toe, then back to her face. “You look nice.”

Tina looked down at her clothes. “This? It’s nothing really.” Tina looked at Meg, studying her face for a moment. “Um…where we have a few minutes, maybe we can talk about something.”

Meg was eager to learn what Tina had on her mind. “Should I close the door?”

“Please.”

When Meg turned to close the door, she smiled. She knew it had to be something personal…serious…maybe even both. She took a seat on the chair in front of Tina’s desk.

Tina looked from the cluttered desktop to Meg. “This is sort of an unusual question. I…I wasn’t sure how I was going to approach you about it.”

Meg sensed Tina’s discomfort. “No need to think about it much. Just tell me what’s on your mind.”

Tina licked her dry lips. “I shared a few things about Bette and I, our relationship, our past. As you know, we have been trying to get back into a groove since getting back together a few months ago.”

“Uh-huh.”

Tina shifted in her seat. She took hold of a pencil and sat back against her chair, playing nervously with it. “God this seems so off the wall.”

Meg stood up from the chair and went around to the back of Tina’s desk. She leaned back against it. “Tina, I think we have shared a lot of personal discussions. I don’t think there is a thing that I would find off the wall.”

Tina felt a little more comfortable with Meg’s reassurance, but certainly was feeling a little awkward with her standing so close. “I want Bette to watch me with another woman.”

Meg arched her brow, then folded her arms. “Really.”

“I told you it was off the wall.”

“I don’t think it is. Uh hello? Me and my girlfriend have done some pretty crazy shit. That isn’t so far out. Actually it can be one of the most hottest things to watch.”

Tina frowned. “Well, see that’s the thing. I’m not wanting this to spice up our relationship.”

Meg seemed confused. “Then why?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

Tina pushed her chair from her desk. She needed a little distance between herself and Meg. She started to walk around her office, picking up a few objects here and there as she spoke. “I felt so betrayed…used…abandoned by Bette when she cheated on me while we were together. I felt all the anger that goes along with someone you love having an affair on you. I felt the need to seek revenge, the need to scream, the need to be alone, the need of wanting to love her and hate her all at the same time. When we parted, there was a time I felt that Bette was somewhat remorseful. But we never really talked about it. When we got back together four months ago, it was strange. As much as I wanted to be with her again, and I’m sure she with me, I just felt like she never paid a price like I did. She never had to feel all those thoughts haunting her at night while she lay alone in bed, wondering where she failed. What did I do wrong that caused her to stray? Was it something that I didn’t do or did do? The tears that saturated my pillow every single night as I questioned who I was, if I was always going to be a failure in every relationship from that day on…was hard. I forced myself into a few relationships to try to prove that I could be “something” to someone. I did it to try to raise my self esteem, because I was so crushed.”

Meg took a seat back in the chair she occupied when she first came in, allowing Tina the time she needed to explain everything she was feeling.

“Bette couldn’t have possibly understood what those feelings were like. I’m sure she never wept like I did, or questioned her ability to be a partner who could be “enough.” She couldn’t have, because only if you had been cheated on would you question those things, or feel those things. She isn’t heartless. I know she recognized some of my pain after the affair was disclosed. However, there is pain…an ache…” Tina clenched her fist and brought it to her abdomen. “…that resides deep inside, and the only way I feel that she could possibly understand what it is like to imagine your lover in the arms of another woman, is to have to watch it happen in front of her.”

Meg waited a moment before speaking, giving Tina the chance to offer anything else. When she didn’t, she spoke. “Have you thought about the fact that Bette might actually get aroused by it? That it won’t be something she ends up finding “painful” to watch?”

Tina returned to her chair. “I have thought about that. It doesn’t last too long, because I know Bette. She is a complete Alpha. She is highly territorial of what she feels is hers. It won’t sit well. It will make her want to crawl completely out of her skin to watch me with another woman. No…Bette is such a control freak, she wouldn’t even allow herself that opportunity to find it arousing.”

“You know this woman quite well.”

“I like to think so.”

“Tina…if you and Bette have never done something like this, you both might be quite surprised.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it seems like you have it all pictured and planned in your head.”

“I do…for the most part.”

“In your mind, you are going to show Bette. You are going to have another woman please you and you her, while Bette goes out of her mind with jealousy.”

Tina listened intently as Meg continued.

“It may not happen that way at all. As much as you know Bette, there still remains that possibility she will get aroused. On the other hand, you see yourself as going through with it. Once you are actually in a room with another woman, and Bette…the woman you adore and love is sitting there prepared to watch something happening that is going to be painful to her, you may back out and not be able to do it.”

“I have to do it. It’s the only way we can move forward.”

“Is it?”

Tina leaned back against her high back chair, glancing up at the ceiling. “In my mind…it is. I can’t take the chance that Bette would ever cheat on me again. I need to know she recognizes the pain in it all.”

“Did you catch her in bed with someone?”

“No. I didn’t. I saw her touching the hand of a woman that worked on a project with her. I had a feeling for a few weeks. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Things were just strange with us. I kept chalking it up to my losing the baby. It wasn’t until I saw the look on her face, and on Candace’s face at the time they touched hands that I knew.”

“So you never really saw them together in a sexual way?”

“No. I didn’t need to. After I left our house, and lived with a friend, she kept seeing her.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I think that is what bothered me the most. If she was so upset by her actions, why didn’t she end it completely when she admitted to the affair? Wouldn’t that be the most honorable thing to do?”

“I would imagine so. If she wanted to try to work on things with you, then I would think breaking things off with this woman would have been the first step.”

“I think that was the beginning of why I felt she never really understood what I went through. It was like she didn’t care about the affair. She allowed us to fall apart as she continued to fuck this woman. If she felt the “pain” like I did, and wept all those nights I did, she wouldn’t have continued to be with her. She would have broken it off immediately. She didn’t. So you tell me, where was her remorse?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t think I am capable of answering that.”

“The only way I feel that we can really make a fresh start, and where I can feel safe knowing that she completely understands what it all felt like, is to show her.”

“Seek payback.” Meg confirmed.

Tina stared at Meg. “Yes…retribution.”


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

“And Bette is in agreement to this?” Meg asked.

“This morning she finally agreed.”

Meg looked at Tina tentatively. “So she hadn’t embraced this idea fully I would imagine.”

“No, she wasn’t happy about it, and still isn’t very pleased with it.”

“Damn.”

Tina stared at Meg. “What?”

“That’s love girl. Let me tell you something, there aren’t too many women who would agree to something like this. Shawna and I have an agreement, but I can tell you this, neither of us would do something if the other wasn’t okay with it.”

Tina digested what Meg had just shared. Meg and Shawna were a couple that seemed pretty open and willing to do just about anything. Even for them, a line would be drawn. “Bette does love me. I never doubted that.”

“But what you doubt is that she really understands your pain.”

“That is how I feel. When she continued to fuck Candace after she offered an apology for the affair, I felt the apology was meaningless and how hurt I was just as much meaningless too.”

“I suppose if you think this is the only way she can “understand” it, and don’t feel you can move forward together until she feels something close to it, then there really is nothing else you can do.”

“That brings me to what I wanted to ask you.” Tina hesitated for only a second before her request emerged. “Would you be willing to…”

Meg arched a brow. “Be the one to …be with you?”

Tina didn’t need to finish her sentence. Meg was a sharp woman. She nodded, affirming what Meg had said.

“Jesus, I wouldn’t want to find my ass kicked by her. If she isn’t up to this Tina…I’m not sure.”

“She agreed to it Meg. She won’t harm you. Bette isn’t a violent person.”

Meg was leery. “I’m sure when the moment is upon her, and she sees me and you getting a groove on, she isn’t going to be part of the cheerleading squad on the sidelines.”

Tina chuckled slightly. “No, she won’t be cheering. However, there isn’t anything to worry about.” Tina tried to read Meg’s body language. “What do you say? You up for it?”

Meg’s eyes scanned Tina’s face, then lingered at her chest before returning to her face once more. A smile soon formed at the corner of her mouth, which gradually matched the want that filled her eyes. “I’ll talk to Shawna. I’m sure I can work something out. When would you be considering this?”

“I suppose it would depend if Shawna will want to be present. I know you both generally do these things together, so if she must be present, I would think within the next day or two. Isn’t she only here for a couple of days?”

“Yes. I’m sure I can work something out. Leave that up to me.”

“So…if you can work it out with her…I can count on you?”

“Absolutely.”

Tina smiled. She felt that Meg would be the perfect choice. She wasn’t someone that she would need to worry about forming feelings, because she was a swinger and use to this form of socialization. She was also only going to be in the area until filming the current project was complete. There would be no concern that they would continue to engage in any form of a sexual relationship. Yes, Meg was the perfect choice, and she was eager to find out if Shawna would be giving her the green light.

Tina stood from her chair. “I need to hunt Peter down. Keep me apprised of what Shawna says.”

“I will.” 

Meg watched as Tina took her portfolio and exited her office. She shook her head as she spoke to herself. “Fuck…that is one fine looking woman.”

#

I had just returned to my office and took a seat at my desk where I started retrieving my phone messages when my cell phone started ringing. I quickly hung the office phone up, and grabbed my cell from the top of the desk.

“Hello.”

“Hey, it’s me.”

“Hi Tee. What’s up?” 

“Nothing. I have the rest of the day off and thought we could do lunch.”

“How did you manage that?”

Tina stopped at the red light, looking into the rearview mirror at Angie. “Peter ended up not feeling so well on the set, which was the first problem. We then had issues with one of our permits. In any case, we shut down production for the day and I went to get our little sweetheart from daycare and thought it would be nice if we had lunch together.”

I smiled at the thought of the three of us going to lunch. There weren’t many times I ever declined such an invitation to be with my two favorite girls. “I can make a few quick adjustments to make that happen.”

“Oh that’s great babe. I was thinking of going to Chucky Cheese.”

“That’s her favorite place.”

“What time could you meet us?”

I looked at my watch. It was 12:10pm. “I need to make one quick phone call to push back a one o’clock meeting with one of the other Dean’s. I can be there by 12:30.”

“That would be great. I’ll see you there.”

“Okay. Bye.” I flipped the phone shut and felt pretty damn happy about the unexpected plans. It had been a few days since I felt this much warmth. I was definitely looking forward to seeing my boo.

#

“We have to wait for Momma B,” Tina said as she pushed some curls from Angelica’s face. She was already being a little fidget, which the waitress had noticed when she returned with their drinks.

“Would you like me to give her some crayons and an activity mat?”

“That would be nice. Thank you.”

Angelica looked down at the apple juice and started to reach for it.

“Whoa…wait sweetie. Let Momma T put that in your sippy cup here.” Tina reached for the baby bag she brought along and retrieved Angelica’s favorite cup. It was a Dora cup that Bette had bought her a few months ago. Since that time, Angie started getting fussy and refusing to drink out of any other cup. 

When Angie’s eyes saw the cup, they lit up. “Dohhhhra,” she said as she reached forward.

“Yes, that’s Dora.”

When I started walking by the window’s of the restaurant, I spotted Tina and Angelica sitting at one of the tables by the window. I stopped in front of it and waved at Angie, who was facing the window. Tina was busy tying a bib on her, and noted my presence once Angie started to giggle at my making a few funny faces at her.

Once inside, I approached their table and kissed by beautiful daughter on the top of her head. “Hi. Were you both waiting very long?”

“No, not at all.”

I looked down to see one of the most colorful pieces of art. It didn’t matter if the colors weren’t inside the lines, it was a masterpiece. “Wow, look at that. Did you draw that?”

Angie looked from the paper mat to me. She handed me a crayon and mumbled something which was encouraging me to participate. I took hold of the crayon and started to help her.

Tine looked on, trying to figure out how and when she was going to approach the subject of Meg. The waitress’s arrival at the table helped to avoid the conversation for the moment.

“Can I get you something to drink?”

“Yes, a club soda with a lemon on the side please.”

“I’ll give you a moment to look at the menu.”

I placed the crayon in front of Angie and looked at Tina. “Have you figured out what it is you want?”

Tina took a deep breath. “I wanted to talk to you about that…sometime today.”

I was confused, feeling we weren’t on the same subject. “Um…I don’t understand.”

Tina realized that Bette wasn’t talking about their recent discussions. “I thought…I’m sorry, what did you ask?”

I realized Tina’s mind was in a million places but here. “I wasn’t sure if you decided what you want for lunch.”

“I’m going to have the cranberry walnut salad.”

I watched her for a moment before looking over at Angie. “I liked that last time as well. I’ll have that too.”

Just as they finished providing the waitress with their order, Tina’s cell phone rang. Before checking it, she flipped the phone open. “Tina Kennard.”

“Tina, it’s Meg.”

Tina looked over at Bette, immediately feeling some discomfort. “Hey.”

“Shawna and I are flying out tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”

I was interested in the body language that was speaking all on it’s own as I watched Tina. Normally I would perceive the call to be work related, but this time it was strange. She seemed rather uncomfortable.

“Yes. She has to take care of something back home.”

“Okay, well I suppose I’ll come up with another option.”

“Not necessary.”

Tina pushed her hair back. “How is that?”

“Shawna gave the green light. I’ll be flying out tomorrow with her, to help sort some things out for her. She knows she isn’t a participant, but the green light is with the condition that she be present to watch. She won’t be returning back with me to L.A…which means…we’ll only have tonight.”

“Tonight!?” Tina wasn’t prepared for everything to have come together so quickly, especially where she hadn’t even provided Bette with any details thus far.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

“Is that a problem?”

Tina shifted nervously. “Um….no…what time?”

“You tell me.”

I felt Tina’s eyes dart from Angie, to me. “Can I call you back?”

“Absolutely. I’m on my way to get a brazilian wax. I won’t be available for a bit, but just leave me a message.”

“Oh…fine, I’ll call you later.” Tina flipped her phone shut, trying hard not to show how surprised she was by the call, though her earlobes started squealing on her before she realized it.

“Everything okay?” I asked.

“Sure.” Tina looked at what Angie had drawn. “Look at the amazing artist we have for a daughter.”

I could tell Tina was avoiding. “Tee…what’s going on?”

Tina looked at me and took a deep breath in. I waited, but nothing no sound came.

“Tee…what was that about?”

Tina nervously reached for one of her earrings. “I wanted to talk to you during lunch, before I got that call. I didn’t expect to have things come together so fast.”

“What things?”

“I spoke with Meg today, the woman who is here for a little while working on the film.”

“Yes, I remember.”

“I…”

Before Tina could reveal what was discussed, the waitress brought our lunches to the table. She placed a salad in front of both of us, and left the bowl of mac and cheese in the middle, away from Angie. 

“Can I get you ladies anything else?”

“No thank you,” Tina replied, prompting the waitress to continue checking on her other patrons.

“Youuuuuu…” I encouraged her to finish.

Tina brushed a strand from her face and tucked it behind her ear. “I asked her if she would be the one to participate…in what I want.”

I felt my jaw tighten. It was all happening so quickly. I was aware that I agreed to it, but I wasn’t prepared for her to have already discussed things. “I see.”

“She agreed. She spoke with Shawna, her partner, and she said it was fine.”

“What?” I began feeling like everything was spiraling. “Wait…hold on…between this morning, when I agreed to this, and now…” I glanced down at my watch, “…you not only asked this woman, but she already discussed this with her partner and was given a green light?”

“Yes.”

“And you believe her?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

I felt like I needed a diversion, for I felt like I was losing control of everything at this point. I pulled the dish of mac and cheese towards me, and started to cut it up. I was already prepared for a reminder from Tina that the pieces were small enough already for Angie, so I decided to bypass the lecture by acknowledging it first. “I know they are small enough. I just like to be careful when it comes to her eating.”

Tina picked at the salad with her fork, looking down at it as she spoke. “She has to fly out tomorrow. She wants to do this tonight.”

I felt a twinge in my neck from turning it so fast. “Tonight!?” Things could not be happening this quickly. I felt my heart begin to race. I’m not sure how much time I had needed to absorb this, but certainly a measurement in hours was not what I ever anticipated. “Jesus Tee, that’s fast. I agreed to this only this morning.”

“I understand Bette, but Meg is the best choice. It makes sense. She won’t be around long. She won’t form any feelings for me because she and her partner live a swinging lifestyle. They are use to having spontaneous encounters.”

I felt my face turn warm as Tina pushed for this particular woman to be the one for this experience. “Do you have feelings for her Tina?”

Tina formed an uneasy expression. “No, I do not. She is an attractive woman, but I don’t have feelings for her. You have nothing to worry about.”

Angie started to get upset she wasn’t being fed yet. “Shhh…here you go Boo.” I started to feed her, helping her to hold onto the spoon as I did so. I wanted to wake up from this incredibly mad dream, but I knew I couldn’t. This was my life. A silence grew between us as I focused on Angelica.

“I can feed her, why don’t you eat?” Tina offered.

“I’m okay. I’d rather feed her than eat right now.”

Tina closed her eyes. “Please don’t make me feel horrible about this.”

I looked over at Tina. “That is not my intention, but you need to understand, just because I agreed to this, does not mean that I am looking forward to it. I have had little time to digest your request, even less time to process my decision, and now you are telling me that it is going to happen tonight?”

“Bette, I’m trying to choose the right person so you won’t feel threatened. I wanted it to be someone that we aren’t close with, that we didn’t need to be concerned about, and that won’t be in our lives again. This is the best choice. I also want to be able to move on after this, with you. I want for us to be together.”

It was so hard for me to understand Tina’s thought process. It was hard to look at her and tell her what I know she wanted to hear, because I just wasn’t accepting any of it. I was going to sacrifice what I believed in, what I felt, because I loved her enough to do that. I knew I caused her pain, and I realized upon getting back together with her this time, that until we dealt with this, we weren’t going to move forward. The therapy was helping us in a lot of ways, but in this sense, it wasn’t making any head way.

“What time are we meant to do this?”

“I have to call her back. I wanted to talk to you first. Do you think Kit might be able to watch Angie tonight?”

“I don’t know.” I rubbed my forehead. “I’ll call her.” 

“You don’t have to do that now. Why don’t you try to eat your lunch?”

“I’ll take it to go. I’m not very hungry.”

Tina watched as I dialed, then spoke with Kit. She had nothing planned for this evening, and had agreed to keep Angie overnight. Naturally I was hit with questions as to why we needed a babysitter on such short notice, but I wasn’t about to get into it with her, at least not at the moment. I flipped my phone shut, and placed it back in my purse. “She will watch Angie tonight.”

Tina picked at her salad. “Where do you want to do this, your place or mine?”

The gall of actually thinking it might be my own bed! “Certainly not my place. I wouldn’t sleep in that bed afterwards. As a matter of fact, I would burn the fucking thing after she was in it with you.”

“Easy,” she said as she looked towards Angie.

I didn’t realize the words I chose until Tina arched a brow and admonished me.

“I’m sorry.”

“7pm then? I can drop Angie at Kit’s before then, or you can drop her there.”

“I think it would be best if you dropped her there. I’ll be at your place at 7pm.” 

I returned my attention to feeding Angie and then holding her afterwards. Little more was said about the evening, and what was said was small talk. The tension between us was clear. When it was time to return to the college, I kissed Angelica before confirming one last time that I would be at Tina’s home at seven, then left the restaurant.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold on tight...

CHAPTER 10

Going back to work following lunch was a fruitless idea. I had gotten very little done, and cleared of my calendar for the rest of the day. I would have gone home, but I had promised an interview with a student for her communications class, and honored that commitment I had made. The interview had proven to be a welcomed distraction, even if it had been for only thirty minutes.

On my drive home, there were so many thoughts filtering through my mind. I wondered if I had done the right thing agreeing to this. I wondered if in the long run it was going to do more damage than good. Then again, if we weren’t ever going to move forward, then I wouldn’t have ever known if I didn’t take this risk. This was either going to strengthen us or completely destroy us. I found that I easily recognized the damage it could do, more than I could try to muster up a more positive outcome.

When I had gotten home, I didn’t bother to shower. I felt there would be a greater need to do so when I returned home later, once I watched what I deemed would be a vile encounter. It was strange opening my closet door and not knowing what I should wear. Normally when Tina and I were to meet up, I would be particular about my appearance. Tonight, I wanted to wear something which would add more comfort than anything else. I grabbed a pair of jeans and a Hilfiger sweater from my drawer, and started changing.

#

Tina had already dropped Angie off at Kit’s. There were a few questions asked, which Tina had prepared for, and others which she just diverted from completely. She was now home and trying to determine what she would wear. Should she be naked? Should she purchase something that she could throw away later? She started to talk aloud to herself as her own anxiety started to set in. “What the fuck am I suppose to wear for something like this?”

As Tina rummaged through her dresser drawers, she held up an article of lingerie that Bette had purchased for her back when they were together. It had been one of Bette’s favorites. She felt that it had fit Tina like a glove, emphasizing all the curves and qualities of a woman. The combination of satin and lace, as well as the cut was perfect, and appealed to Bette. She was aware that it drove Bette completely wild whenever she wore it, and didn’t doubt it would have the same effect on her should she choose to wear that on this evening.

Tina sat on the bed, holding the lingerie. “How am I suppose to ever wear this for Bette if I wear it tonight?” She wasn’t one who talked aloud very often, but there were so many feelings she was experiencing, that she couldn’t help putting sound to her thoughts. The sound of Tina’s cell interrupted the silence. 

“Hello.”

“Hi Tina.”

“Hey Meg.”

“Did you talk to Bette?”

Tina sighed. “I did. She wasn’t prepared for it happening tonight.”

“Well, if you think about it, the longer she waited to do this, it probably would have been eating at her the whole time.”

“That’s true.”

“So, what’s the plan here anyway?”

“It will be at my place. I emailed you the address, and said about 7pm.”

“Oh okay. I haven’t checked my email yet. I wasn’t sure how you wanted to do this.”

Tina felt confused, in addition to the butterflies that developed. “What do you mean?”

“Am I suppose to wear something special tonight?”

“Oh…funny you should ask, because I was sitting here trying to figure out what I was going to wear. Bette had bought this really sexy number for me when we were together before. It always drove her wild when she saw me in it.”

Meg felt her pulse begin to rise. “Really…sounds like it would have the right effect.”

“Effect?”

“Well, you are trying to push the limits here. I say wear it.”

“God…I don’t know.”

“Come on Tina, if the purpose of tonight is to make her feel the hurt and ache that you felt, then why the hell not? Make her want you. Better yet, what did she usually wear to bed those nights she wanted to get lucky?”

“We didn’t always plan things like that,” Tina explained. “Many nights, we went to bed nude and then of course things happened naturally.”

“I see.”

“I do have one item of clothing that was one of her sexy numbers. I don’t think she ever knew I had kept it.”

“What is it?”

“It was the top part of a two piece lingerie set. It’s sheer, with some embroidery and…it’s just hot.”

“Where’s the bottoms?”

“I don’t know. It had been in my dresser when I had moved out the first time. I had scooped everything from the drawer and threw it in the suitcase. When I realized I had it, I was so pissed off at her, that I didn’t want to return it so she could wear it for Candace or some other dirt bag that didn’t mind sleeping with another woman’s partner.”

“Whoa, you still feel a lot of anger towards the other woman.”

“You bet your ass I do. If I ever came across her, I would kick her pitiful ass without thinking twice about it.”

“I can understand that.” Meg returned to the original conversation. “So, then we don’t have the bottoms, but we won’t need them anyway. I’ll just wear that top.”

“Bette’s?”

“Sure. You can wear your little number that makes her lust for you, and I’ll wear hers.”

Tina unconsciously touched her heart. “That is not going to sit so well.”

“It’s all about retribution right?”


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

I found that I couldn’t sit in one place. I was feeling completely on the edge, stressed, worried, anxious. I went to the glass tower in the living room which held some of my best alcohol. I took out one of the crystal glasses and took hold of a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue and poured myself a generous amount.

I took a seat on the sofa and brought the glass to my lips. The first taste of liquid burned my mouth and throat. Within a few seconds, it felt like it numbed not only my physical senses, but others as well. I wouldn’t let myself get cocked, for I knew I had to drive. I would have to gauge myself so I could have just enough to remove my unease.

I looked at my phone and flipped it open. I scrolled through all the names, took another sip of Johnny and flipped it shut. I did this a few times before I actually decided to phone Kit.

“Hey baby girl. You calling cause you miss your munchkin?”

I smiled at the sound of Angie in the background. “What is she all excited about?”

“Oh, her favorite aunt had brought her to the toy store and got her one of those talking Dora books.”

“Spoiling her again?”

“You bet I am. That is what little ones are for, and you of all people are just as guilty of it.”

“Perhaps.”

“Hold on, I’ll put her on the phone. Angie, Momma B is on the phone. Here…no…I’ll hold it baby. Say hi…”

I listened as Kit encouraged Angie to talk to me. She spoke a few words when she heard my voice, but was more interested in her new book. “Okay Boo…I’m going to talk to Auntie Kit.”

“She can’t get enough of that book,” Kit laughed. “So what are you and Tina up to tonight?”

I offered a sarcastic laugh. 

“That good huh? You both should be in the honeymoon phase again, at least that was what I was hoping for when I was asked to watch my niece.”

“Not exactly.”

“Are things okay?”

“It depends how you define okay. If okay is defined as my ex, who is suppose to be working on getting back to a healthy place with me, telling me she wants to be with another woman…then yeah, we’re okay.”

Kit paused. “What? What the hell are you talking about?”

“Long story, and I don’t have a lot of time to get into it.”

“Okay, well make a long story short.”

I felt my emotions getting the best of me. I didn’t want to cry, and certainly didn’t want that to happen at Tina’s later. That was one emotion that I was not going to let surface. I had to get a hold of myself.

“Baby girl?”

“Yes…I’m here.”

“Bette, what’s going on with the two of you?”

I took a deep breath in and exhaled it very slowly before I began. “Tina, she brought something up in therapy. She isn’t convinced that I could understand the amount of pain she felt when I had the affair with Candace.”

“Okay, but that was how long ago? I mean, she got back together with you. Isn’t that forgiving you?”

“One would think. At the same time I don’t understand any of this, I’m trying Kit, I am really trying.”

Kit started to worry about Bette. She could sense the strain in her voice. “I know you are…you both decided to and I think that going to therapy can be hard sometimes, but you will both get through it.”

“It’s not that. It doesn’t seem that we can move forward or get through it at all unless I am forced to feel some of the pain in which she had felt.”

Kit didn’t understand. “I don’t get what you are saying.”

“Tonight…I am meant to go to her place.” I felt myself pausing to wipe away a stay tear, in between the sniffling that had started. I always hated when my nose would run during moments that tears arrived.

“Yes, and?”

“…there is going to be another woman there tonight.”  
Kit was still very confused. The pieces she had been given, weren’t clear enough to form the whole picture. “Another woman. What other woman?” She got up and went to the kitchen to grab a can of tonic from the fridge.

“A woman who is here for a short time working on a film with Tina. Her name is Meg.”

“Okay.”

“Meg is suppose to …fuck Tina while…while I…” I couldn’t finish before the tears flowed and my voice choked.

Kit feared what Bette would say if she could have finished the sentence. She felt her temper rise. “Oh girl, don’t even…don’t…what mother fucking shit are you trying to tell me here? That she wants you to watch?”

I nodded, affirming what Kit had said, which obviously wasn’t something she could see. “Yes…watch.”

“Bette…baby girl, do not put yourself in that position. Tina has lost her fucking mind.”

“I…I love her Kit. I hurt her. God I fucking hurt her beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I mean, this isn’t Tina. This is not the woman I met years ago. I did this to her, I made her hard. I made her feel the need to seek this twisted revenge. I own it, and now I will have to pay dearly for that mistake.”

“Like hell! Bette, what the hell has she done to you? For a minute just think about what you are saying? You are accepting this demented form of….for lack of a better word, abuse by this woman. This is pathetic. It is demeaning, and down right cruel. I have a good mind to get her skinny ass on the phone right now and whip it from here into next month!”

“NO! NO, you can’t do that. I shouldn’t have even said anything. I just felt so overwhelmed.”

“Of course you should have said something. You can always come to me with anything.”

“Then please, for me…just let this be.”

Kit was fuming. She wanted her own form of retribution. The thought of her sister complying with such a horrible demand made her thirst for blood, the blood of Tina Kennard.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold on tight...the ride gets bumpy

CHAPTER 12

Tina had finished prepping the bedroom after she had placed a few candles around the room, and selected what she felt would be appropriate music. When the doorbell rang, she looked down at her watch. It was only 630pm. She didn’t believe it would be Bette so early. In fact, she wasn’t completely certain Bette would actually show up. She wiped her sweaty palms on her sweatpants before opening the door.

“Hi Tina,” Meg said just before stepping into the house.

“Hi.”

“This is Shawna.” Meg placed her hand at the small of Shawna’s back.

Shawna was a striking brunette. When she said hello, it revealed a beautiful British accent. “It’s a pleasure Tina.”

“Hello. I’ve heard so much about you,” Tina said as she shook Shawna’s hand.

“All good I hope.” Shawna smiled at Meg.

“It’s always good babe,” Meg interjected. 

Though Shawna seemed pleasant, Tina felt herself feeling mildly uncomfortable with the presence of someone she didn’t know very well. Meg sensed her unease. “On the way here, I filled Shawna in about why this night is happening.”

Tina looked over at Meg. “I see.”

“Tina, don’t feel uneasy. This may seem like a barmy idea to some, but you obviously felt bovad enough by this to want to feel you are on equal ground. No worries…okay?”

Shawna’s gentle voice helped to ease Tina’s awkwardness. “Thank you. It is quite an unusual request.”

Shawna chuckled, “Not the most unusual thing we’ve known.”

“I have some merlot. Would you both like a glass?”

Both Shawna and Meg agreed, then took a seat at the table, carefully watching the amazing blonde as she sashayed around the kitchen. Though she was nervous, she wasn’t showing it in the least. Shawna scanned the back of Tina’s body as she stood at the counter pouring the wine. She glanced over at Meg and nodded her approval, along with arching her brow.

Shawna wasn’t a shy woman, and she would prove this when Tina returned to the table with their wine. “You’re a beautiful woman Tina.”

Tina felt her ears color as she handed them each a glass. “Thank you.”

“Lovely bristols.”

Tina felt lost. “Pardon?”

Meg chuckled at Tina’s lack of knowledge. “That’s what some Brit’s call breasts.”

“Oh…” Tina again felt herself flush.

Once each of them had a couple of glasses of wine, and discussed how the evening was going to proceed, Tina felt more at ease. With only a few minutes left until 7pm, she rose from the table and showed them to the bedroom, but not before stopping to refill their glasses once more. The wine would offer Tina some false courage to move forward with this evening.

#

Immediately upon turning onto Tina’s street, I spotted what I assumed was Meg’s car. I felt my chest tighten. Thoughts of what they had already been talking about, or even doing had started to cross my mind. 

I pulled into the driveway and felt my hands grip the steering wheel until the color disappeared from around my knuckles. I had hoped Johnny Walker would have taken a little more edge off, but was realizing it hadn’t been enough. I took one hand from the steering wheel long enough to place the car into park.

One good thing, was that Kit’s car wasn’t here. The last thing I needed was for her to have showed up and started a scene with Tina. I opened the car door and proceeded slowly to the front steps, hoping that at any given time I would wake from this nightmare.

As I stood at the front door to her house, a part of me wanted to walk right in unannounced, but what would I accomplish doing that? I may have walked in on them having sex already, and in a fucked up way, that would also accomplish what she was seeking. Instead, I rang the doorbell, sparing myself whatever images I would have fallen prey to had I barged in. I waited a few minutes and was ready to press the doorbell once more when Tina opened the door.

“Hi.” 

My eyes immediately went to the short, black, silky robe she had wrapped around her. It was part of a piece of lingerie I had gotten her. Though I didn’t see what was under it, that garment was burned in my memory. She had worn it many times when we were together.

“Come in.” As she spoke, I felt her eyes look into my own. I wondered what she was thinking. I couldn’t read her on this night. She leaned in and kissed my lips briefly. “We are in the other room.”

I looked towards the living room, but it was dark. She sensed what I was thinking, then added some clarity. “The bedroom, Meg and Shawna are there,” she said as she reached for my hand.

“What?”

Tina turned as I pulled my hand from her grip. “What is it?” she asked.

“Who the hell is Shawna?”

“Meg’s partner.”

“What is she doing here?

“I thought I told you she would be here?”

“No, you didn’t.”

“I could have sworn I mentioned it at lunch.”

“What is she doing here?” I felt my jaw tighten. “I thought this was suppose to be happening a certain way?”

“Babe, I’m sorry. I honestly thought I mentioned it.” Tina took a step in closer. “You know they are swingers right?”

“Yes, but that isn’t what this is about.”

“No, it isn’t. However, part of the arrangement that they have, is that they do things together. She won’t be participating. She will be watching.”

“That’s fucking marvelous Tina. Why didn’t you sell tickets for the big event? You could have made some money off of this, for the additional therapy I’m going to need when this is over with. Better yet, save it for Meg’s ambulance ride to the hospital, she might need it.”

Tina arched a brow and folded her arms. “Bette, don’t. This isn’t about getting all crazy in there and you know that.”

“I’m not promising anything Tina. I can’t.”

Tina squinted her eyes as I felt her study me. “Have you been drinking?”

I chose to ignore having to answer any questions, and instead wanted this to be over with. “Let’s just do this and get this out of the way.”

Tina stood in one place. “Promise me you aren’t going to go in there and embarrass me. I do have to work with Meg.”

I felt my face turn warm. How in god’s name could this woman ask me not to embarrass her when she was putting me through the worst humiliation one could ever experience? “I can’t do that.”

Tina placed her hand through her hair. “Bette…this isn’t the way I had it planned out. There are rules here tonight.”

“Oh really? What might they be Tina?”

“I told you, that you were to come here and watch. I don’t want any problems. You didn’t see me go to your work and make a scene after your affair with Candace did you?”

“No you just flipped a table over at the Planet in front of our friends, that’s all.”

“If that is all you got for embarrassment after having an affair and putting me through that hell, then lucky you.”

It didn’t take long before Tina and I had started sparring. It was not my intention to go there and have an argument. Hell I didn’t know what was going to happen when I finally arrived.

“Let’s just get this over with.”

Tina arched a brow, warning me once more before we proceeded to the bedroom. When I arrived at the room which I hadn’t even been able to visit exclusively, I was greeted by what I learned was Shawna.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Bette.” She extended her hand, which I refused to accept. It wasn’t her fault that Tina wanted this fiasco played out, but I certainly didn’t have to be friendly or accepting of it. At this point, I wondered where Meg was at.

“I can get you some wine?” Tina offered.

“Why not,” I returned.

When Tina left the room, Shawna tried to engage in some small talk. “Tina mentioned you are a Dean at a college.”

“Yes, I am.”

“That’s wonderful.”

“It has its moments. One would think I would be a little more smarter than to allow this to happen right under my nose.”

“I think it’s a wonderful thing you are willing to do for her Bette.”

I hadn’t made much eye contact, for the whole time I had sat in the corner chair staring at the bed that I myself had not gotten acquainted with. “We’ll see how wonderful it ends up being.”

“What do you mean?”

“This has the potential of destroying us completely. I don’t think she sees that, but one day she may look back and see that this need for revenge crushed us.”

“Only if you let it,” Shawna suggested.

I turned towards her. “When someone you love, begins showing an interest outside of what you have, in any way, is devastating. I realize that, I walked that path. When someone you love wants you to feel pain, and goes so far as to plan that pain, I don’t think that is something you ever get over.”

Before Shawna could offer any more of her own opinion, Tina returned to the room with the glass of wine. Once I took it from her, she kneeled in front of me and placed her hands on top of my thighs. “I love you. Please just hold onto those words.”

I stared down at her. It bothered me that in my pain, my hurt, my struggle, that I could continue to crave her. We hadn’t been intimate yet, and I felt myself wanting her in ways that I never did before. I wasn’t a woman who felt comfortable having sex in front of anyone, but on this night, I was more than willing to strip that lingerie from her body and take her right there. That outfit…that outfit that made my heart beat fast, made me crawl out of my skin from want, had that same effect in this moment. Our eyes locked, and for a second I thought I could read her mind, and it was a loving one. I had to keep remembering what she said. She loved me, and I loved her. If I didn’t love her so damn much, I wouldn’t be putting myself through this.

“I love you too,” I said softly.

She leaned in and slid her hand behind my neck, pulling me forward to her, then kissed my lips, dipping her tongue into my mouth briefly and pulling it back out before releasing her lips from mine. She brought her mouth to my ears. “After tonight, when this is through, I want us to make love all weekend.”

As Tina stood up and untied the robe. She dropped it to the floor in front of me, then turned towards the bed.


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

My eyes and body lusted after this woman. I swallowed what little saliva I could muster to soothe my dry throat. When it wasn’t enough to quench my thirst, I took a sip of wine. I watched as Tina lay on the bed. She had one leg extended, and one bent at the knee. She had propped herself up on her elbows. My head drowned in the illicit thoughts that flowed freely, while the palms of my hands began to sweat. My attention was diverted to a sound coming from the bathroom. I assumed that was where Meg was, but I still had no clue what to expect. Would she be coming to the bedroom completely stripped of her clothes? What did she look like? My questions were answered when she stepped into the room, wearing just the top to what appeared was a two piece item. She was slender, and in fairly good shape. 

She looked at me, and I at her. Our eyes locked, trying hard to read what the other was thinking. We stared at one another until she ceased, breaking the hold with a wink towards me, then towards Shawna. I watched as she slid her hands down her sides before crawling onto the bed. It was then I noticed the tear on the side of the top. A tear that was on the one I owned, which I only now had the bottoms to. This bitch was wearing my own lingerie. 

“Hi,” Meg said softly as she extended a hand to Tina’s face.

“Hi.”

Meg slid her hand to the back of Tina’s neck and brought her forward for a kiss. I watched as Tina’s hands slid through Meg’s hair. I felt my jaw stiffen, then turned towards Shawna. “This is bullshit. What the fuck is she doing wearing my clothes?”

Meg turned her head towards Bette as she spoke to Tina. “I thought she was going to be okay?”

“Give me a minute.” Tina slid off the bed.

I watched as Tina came towards me. I couldn’t help but stand up and show my distaste. “I want that top off of her. That’s my top isn’t it Tina?” My question was more accusatory than an inquiry. 

“Bette, this is part of it.”

“Like hell it is. You either have her remove that right now, or I’m going to remove it myself.”

Tina took a deep breath and looked back towards Meg, then returned her eyes to me. She had to see the agony in my eyes.

Shawna stood up. “Take it easy. We are here because we have been asked to be here.”

“You weren’t asked by me.” I said sharply. “Tina, tell her to take that off.”

Tina turned back towards Meg. “Meg…just take it off.”

Meg was on her knees on the bed. “Why don’t you come here and do that for me Tina?”

I looked into Tina’s eyes, hoping they could read the enormous pain that had already been underway. I whispered my plea, “Stop this now.”

“I can’t.”

“You won’t”

“Please…it will be over before you realize it.”

“It’s going to kill me.”

“It won’t.”

I was desperate. I didn’t want to show my weakness, but I was willing to let her in if it meant stopping this charade. “I’m afraid.”

Tina placed her hand on the side of my face. “Of what?”

“What it will do afterwards. It will destroy us. I don’t see us ever making it after such a thing.”

“We will. We will make it, I promise.”

I watched as I felt her slide her hand from my face and return to the bed. My eyes caught Meg’s once more, and it took all the self resolve I had not to get up and bitch slap her right there. My hands gripped the edge of the chair. I was certain my knuckles had lost the blood, but I didn’t bother to take my eyes off of Tina to notice.

“Take off the top,” Tina instructed.

Meg formed a smile. “Don’t you want to do that for me Tina?”

“I think it’s best if you take it off yourself,” Tina admitted before laying back on the bed.

Meg looked disappointed, but complied. She made up for Tina’s lack of participation by moving her now naked body so she was straddling her. Her hands slid underneath her lingerie, slowly ascending upwards until she was gripping both of Tina’s breasts in her hands. “God your nipples are so hard for me.”

The visual was bad enough, but the verbal admissions were making it all the more difficult to take. My hands remained gripped to the arms of the chair. I knew if they weren’t there, they would likely be on Meg, and that wouldn’t have been a pretty sight.

Tina looked towards me, making sure I was watching each and every moment. Soon, Meg lifted the nightie over Tina’s head. There was the love of my life completely naked, a view I hadn’t even been given the benefit of in the four months we were back together. I felt besieged by the variety of feelings that had taken over. I jumped between jealousy, anger, bitterness, rage, and envy. How sick was that? I was envious of a stranger who had been given more privileges than I. I watched as Tina’s fingernails journeyed up and down the brunettes back, while she brought her mouth to Tina’s breast. I closed my eyes a moment, just as a Dixie Chick’s song played through the speakers of the stereo. The irony of the words struck me.

Forgive…sounds good….Forget….I’m not sure I could….

I’m not ready to make nice….I’m not ready to back down….

I’m still mad as hell…

I know you said ‘can’t you just get over it?’….

I’ve paid a price, and I’ll keep paying….

I watched as Tina arched her head back into the pillow, a sight which had been very familiar to me at one time. Her legs were spread, and I knew exactly the point when Meg had entered her with her fingers. I was tearing up inside. My heart was beating fast, my hands sweaty, my body tense.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to take this moment to thank each reader for continuing to follow this short story. It has been a roller coaster, and your opinions and feedback has been equally fun and interesting to read here and other places.  
> I hope you enjoy the finale in this final chapter.  
> Be well,  
> Chicki

CHAPTER 14 - FINAL CHAPTER

“Fuck,” Tina screamed as Meg began pushing her fingers in and out of her.

“Do you like that? Tell me what you like.”

Tina lifted her head just enough to glance over, again being sure I was continuing to watch this repulsive encounter. “Mmmm…deeper.”

I turned towards Shawna. “How can you be okay with this? This is insane!”

Shawna had a wicked smile on her face as she watched. She never looked at me or acknowledged what I had said, instead she appeared to be turned on watching. I looked back just as Tina rolled her over and was now playing tops. The only benefit, was I didn’t need to make eye contact with Tina while she was in that position. I tried hard to tune out the verbal assassination that my heart was also absorbing.

“Oh yes…Tina fuck me hard,” Meg demanded.

“You want it hard huh?”

“From you, I would take it any way you want to give it.”

Tina slid her fingers inside of Meg, who was extremely wet from being so aroused. “You are so wet.”

“It’s all you baby. That’s all you.”

I felt my heart race faster as my teeth clenched together. I couldn’t stand her calling her baby. I couldn’t stand any of it.

“I can’t wait to taste you,” Meg confessed. “I want my head between your legs.”

“You want to tongue fuck me?”

“You bet I do.”

I looked down and felt I had lost the ability to remove my own hands from the chair. My mouth had gone completely dry, and I needed to sip some wine from my glass, but my hand wouldn’t move. I couldn’t take it. I was slowly dying in this chair, and slowly realizing how much I couldn’t go back to this woman after this. It was too late, there was an invisible line and it had been crossed. This was betrayal in the ultimate form, and whether I agreed to be a part of it, I would never return to her…never.

“Don’t you think that is bloody hot?” Shawna asked, her eyes wider than before.

“Christ no, not at all.”

“That’s because you won’t let it.”

“That is not my thing. Making love to Tina, myself, is what pleases me.”

“Oh come on Bette, let yourself go…enjoy it.”

I turned my attention from Shawna long enough to grab the glass of wine and return my eyes to the bed. At this point they were both fucking one another with their fingers, and into a fairly good rhythm. There was a point where I felt my breathing begin to match Tina’s. I couldn’t have felt even slightly turned on, could I? Oh god, the thought of allowing my body to respond to something so crazy was too much to even consider. However, the more I watched and listened, the more I felt my center tighten along with my chest and throat. I was completely annoyed. I didn’t want to feel aroused. That was the last thing I wanted to feel. I would have rather felt my heart tearing out of my chest, breaking apart completely, than to admit even a thread of enticement.

“Don’t forget the dental dams baby,” Shawna reminded as Meg rolled Tina onto her back.

I looked from the bed to Shawna, then back to the bed. “Dental dams? No…no that’s going too far.” I stood up, my glass still in my hand. “No Tina, I’m not allowing that. There won’t be anyone going down on anyone.”

Tina was breathless as she leaned up onto her elbows. “Wh...what? Of course she’s going to.”

“No she isn’t”

“Yeah? Tell me…did you and Candace go down on one another?”

I stood there, remaining silent as I once again was reminded of the biggest mistake I had ever made in my life, and the rippling effect that had remained embedded in the heart and mind of the woman I loved dearly. Meg had reached for the small plastic package that allowed them some protection from STD’s when they orally pleased one another.

“Spread your legs baby,” Meg said before placing the dental dam over Tina’s center and going down on her. 

I had remained standing, and this time, whatever thread of arousal I felt, was replaced with adrenalin and rage. I took the wine glass which I was holding and threw it against the wall before lunging towards Meg.

#

“Jesus…I can’t. I can’t go any further.”

“Me either,” I said as I took the script from Tina’s hands which we had been reading for the last hour. “Jenny has got to be completely fucked if she thinks this manuscript is going anywhere.” I threw the script onto the coffee table.

Tina let out a long breath as she leaned her head against my shoulder. “That was the craziest thing I have ever read. I thought Lez Girls was the largest slap in the face. She portrayed me as some psychotic heart wrenching monster that would force you to watch me cheat on you!”

My eyes remained on the script. “How could she possibly know what either one of us felt with my major indiscretion?”

“I’m not sure. I can’t even imagine someone like her could even understand what hurt is, unless she is delivering it.”

Tina eased herself down onto my lap, and it wasn’t long before my fingers started to play with her soft hair. “Did you ever feel that?” I asked.

Tina had closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of my fingers through her hair. “Feel what?”

“The need for retribution…following the affair.”

Tina opened her eyes, pausing before answering. “No. I did hope that you understood just how hurtful the affair was…what it did to my self esteem…my judgment…my ability to trust people. But, I never wanted to make you feel the same pain I felt.”

After reading such a volatile and appalling piece of material, I couldn’t help but find my heart aching over the mistake of my past. “There is so much of that script that brings all that guilt back again. It’s like picking at a scab on a wound that never goes away…it’s so painful.”

Tina brought her head from my lap. I missed the contact it had, even if it was only for a moment. “Don’t. We both made some mistakes in our lives. We are human. You had beat yourself up so much then, and afterwards. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that you eventually understood my hurt and pain. Having you go through anything similar, would never have accomplished a thing. I also know that a lot of what I did after the affair, brought an equal amount of pain your way as well.” Tina rested her head back on my lap and started to rub the front of my leg. “I love you too much to want to bring hurt to you.”

My mind and heart was quickly soothed by her tender words. “I love you too…more than you know.” We both remained quiet for a few minutes, as we relished in the contentment that our lives never experienced that of Jenny’s warped version.

“Did you think it was hot?” Tina whispered.

“What?”

“Jenny’s version of things, in the bed. Me with that Meg woman.”

“To watch you with someone?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s not something I ever considered. I guess I’m old fashioned to ever consider a third person participating in any way. You?”

“I think reading about it was hot, but to actually do it…no.”

I leaned forward and kissed the top of Tina’s head. “I did like one part.”

“Yeah?” Tina raised her head and looked at me. “Which one?”

“Oh…the one where the Bette and Tina wannabee’s, Nina and Bev, are in the bedroom and Nina whispers into Bev’s ear that after things had finished up with Meg, she wanted she and Bev to go to bed and make love all weekend long.”

“Mmmm…you liked that part huh?”

“Absolutely,” I said, offering what I knew was that signature look. “It is Friday night, ironically enough.”

“It is,” Tina said, offering her own unique expression. “I suppose we don’t need to abandon every bit of the contents of that script, do we?”

I arched a brow. “I don’t think we do.” I leaned down and brought my lips to Tina’s, pressing them lightly against her soft skin. 

“Mmm…that was nice,” Tina admitted, before sliding her hand behind my neck and pulling me back to her for another. Our lips merged, slipping above and below the others, until our tongues started to play the same game. I felt her hands slide under my shirt. When she made contact with my sides, my skin reacted, forming goose bumps from the tingling sensation that shot through my body. It didn’t take either of us long to feel the physical effects of what our touch had on the other, as little as it was so far.

“What do you say we take advantage of the fact that our daughter is staying at Kit’s, and we re-write that script? We’ll show Jenny how retribution really ends.”

I smiled down at the beautiful blonde that I loved with every bit of who I was. “I thought you would never ask.”

Tina stood from the sofa and took hold of my hand, prepared to show me her version of that scripts ending. Before I conceded to follow, I reached down and picked the distorted script from the table. I opened the glass door to the fireplace, and threw it inside, watching as the error of my past slowly turned to ashes. I turned back towards Tina, and took hold of her hand which had remained outstretched. As we walked towards our bedroom, I felt fortunate - fortunate that we had gotten beyond such a difficult and trying time in our lives. It wasn’t without a lot of hard work, therapy, and communication…and certainly not without pain, for the scars would always be there. Some mistakes in life have a way of reminding you of them, long after they have been made. I learned over the years, that forgiveness was attainable, but it was something earned and not just given freely…but forgetting…forgetting was something which may never happen, and it was those mistakes which caused an inability to forget, which remained ones which should never be repeated…ever again.

**~ THE END ~**

**© 2008 Chicki**

**Disclaimer:  
This Fan Fiction posting contains fictitious characters and a fictitious storyline. Most characters belong to Ilene Chaiken and Showtime Television. Readers must not modify, copy/plagiarize, disseminate, or take action in reliance upon it, unless permitted by the said author of this Fan Fiction posting. None of the materials provided on this Fan Fiction posting may be used, reproduced or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including the use of any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from author.**


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